I have the disease I own it, its called reality at times, and NO ONE shoud have to experience.. it but we all have or will at some point in life...feeling ALONE... There are friends, and then there are aquaintances, and there those people I call, "when your fun I wanna be there" friends.. Some people, honestly, I think just feel helpless, when they cant help you, I don't they stop really caring, although it does feel that way at times...
by the way "going crazy, > arrived and will probably be here for longer that I like.... but thats ok, because crazy or not, I know my heart, and God knows my heart , and yes I can say that, because its for me,not to lure someone. anyway,
If there your friends, you know the ones who know everything about you, and love you anyway... friends. So what if you ask for money, if they are freinds, for they probably already know, your hurting money wise, if they could help you they would..
Then are those that just want to be hang around, when all is wonderful, all the time, and lets just hang out on a pink cloud kind of friend,, I think they are the ones that have lost touch with reality..
With all of my heart I believe sometimes, they just feel hopeless to you hurts and needs, and they have said every thing they can think of to confort you. and yet, sometimes, we still bring up our forever money issues, and needing money for "in my case teeth implants, some one else rent, it could be anything, and if you feel as though you are in a crisis, your going to repeat it.. well I do, I don't mean to at times, but its very easy to be self absorbed, when you feel your world is crumling, and you cant seem to stop it, whether friends like it or not, if they have choesn to have you as a 'real friend' they usually know what your wrapped with, and if your wrapped tight.. sorry.. long day.. Friends, and honestly most of us, if were honest, only have oh maybe 5, if your really blessed, or maybe its me, and every body else has more..of the true good friends...
To me a friend is, as I mentioned earlier is for one, they pretty much know what blocks you've been around, and know most all there is to know about you , and love ya anyway, think that most people, when you open up and they the hidden you, would go, YOU WHAT? and start quietly judgeing you. Because my friend, and at this point actually your a aquaintance, barely, but all of us, and I mean ALL of Us, have things in our past, maybe in our present, that we are not thrilled that are there, but its a fact of life.. maybe being poor, and with out money all the time. I don't know. Personally, I hate to say it, but I have been a open book for many years, people will be drawn to you, are repelled to you, by your honesy, but those skeltons have a way, of coming out of the closet when you least expect them to... So I just answer people honestly, when asked about almost anything.
I don't thing your paranoid, I think you are just living in reality... bummer, had to happen sometime... I'm trying to keep it lite. because it is a horrible feeling when you think even your friends, have turned a deaf ear..
Give them space, even good friends need space, I almost can guarntee you, almost, we all know there no real guanatees, but almost.....that if they are your real friends, you may have smothered them, with your trials and issues and having no money, they just need some air.. they will be back. and if they don't come back, and never answer you when you call or phone you again.... YOU HAVE LOST NO ONE, they were never friends sorry.... I don't know if I helped or made it worse... I hope I helped. if you need clarification feel free to message me....
Make it the best day you can, then call it that, thats all any of us can do, is our best, when thats not good enough---OH WELL...
I have been where are too many times, 
thats why I had to respond...
Be patient, and try to imagine if the situation was reversed, could you have some one as a friend and step back just for a time, so you could be a better friend and not so worn out...
Thanks for your time....
Alove, but never alone..........Ponder
God bless you....and may your need be met quickly and your friends be true....
Kat
